I’ve done it again. I know, I know, you’d think that after all my many experiences and stories I’d learn or something. You’d think that I’d pull myself out of this hole and find a way to look at life a little differently. But it seems that I have developed a way of living that always plants me squarely in this position and I’ve no idea how to fix that. Yes, it’s true…
I’ve been thinking again. Which, as most of you know, isn’t generally a good thing. I tend to over analyze just about everything on this earth. When it gets right down to it sometimes I just have to look in the mirror and tell myself that by over analyzing everything known to man I’ve created an alternate reality of stuff that doesn’t really exist or didn’t really happen and it’s time to take a step back and look at life with fresh eyes. But I’m in a very strange and limbo like state right now, and looking with fresh eyes is a lot harder than I anticipated.
You see, there is something very huge and life changing about to take place in my life very soon. In a later post I’ll tell you all about it because it actually does affect all of you more or less. For right now, perhaps looking at it all from a nonspecific point of view might help me out a little. It’s just hard to find a groove to fall back into after getting back from school but having that huge thing not too far ahead. I feel like a very different person than the one I was when I started college last fall, and I think that in many ways I am. I never really fathomed how much you can learn about yourself by going away until it really happened to me.
As a completely unrelated side note, I didn’t get to read very much this last year. The subtitle of my blog claims that I’m a lover of the written word, which is extremely true, but I haven’t been able to really enjoy that hobby a lot lately. There is something about written words that is just magical, something about books that is completely out of this world. Perhaps that’s why I consider myself a writer at the end of the day. It seems that even if you end up losing words that were written or if they fade away with time, they are always eternal in some way because they were written down somewhere.
I don’t know that there was a ever a track to get back on, but I’ll try and make a point with this post somehow. But maybe that’s the point, after all. Maybe I look too hard to always have a point or a reason. Perhaps it is better to learn that sometimes you have to go with the flow, you have to accept things as they are and move on. That doesn’t mean that you stop fighting for what you want or stop reaching for what you dream about.
It simply means that if you wake up one morning and it’s raining, you don’t have to sit in the window and wonder about the reasons behind those rain drops. You can simply watch them slide down the glass or plop into a bird bath or create a temporary stream and realize that sometimes it will rain and sometimes it will be sunny and sometimes there might be wind, but the only thing you can change about that is the way you see it. There doesn’t have to be a huge secret behind it all. Maybe the secret is just you.