For Laughs

Today-As Told By My Hair

hair is perfectThe first day of class! It’s the first day of class in over a year and a half! Oh, yeah! I mean, I’m always a big tangly in the morning, but you brushed me out so that helped tremendously. What’s this? Curls! Yes! I would be absolutely delighted to curl for you today. In fact, I’ll curl even better than I normally do because today is a big day for you.

Okay, time to leave! You’ve got this! I’ll even bounce for you while you walk. Oh, yes, this redness and curls is goin’ on! Wait….wait…what’s actually going on here? Why are you wandering around like you’re lost? And WHY do you keep tucking me behind your ears like you’re nervous? And WHY are you sweating? Oh, yes, you’re wearing a huge coat and walking up these ridiculous hills. Don’t worry about it, you hairsprayed me so I’ll keep it all together up here. Gotcha covered, girl.

Okay, I guess the wandering is over, because you’re sitting in this strange don't touchclassroom surrounded by strange people. Oh, wait! I know those people! Do you think they notice I’m still parted in the middle? Why would they, that’s stupid. Is this a science class? This professor clearly doesn’t know what he’s talking about. The entire class is in a state of confusion. As are you because you keep touching me like I can help you solve these issues. I’m sorry, lady, but my job is to keep things held together up here, no fix your professor’s too quiet voice and confessions of inadequacy.

Okay, you’re walking again. Here’s a campus map. Good! You’re good at reading maps! By the way, sorry that these bangs are a little straight. I know I said I got you covered, but there is only so much I can do when you are all nervous and keep touching them! Just focus. Oh goodness! Doesn’t your next class start soon? Why are you STILL wandering around? Oh…my…gosh. You’re lost. You. Are. Lost.

hair repayFinally! You made it. Okay, I realize that after all this wandering and walking and hills and nervousness and watery eyes from too bright sun and showing up to class clearly late that you’re worried about this whole thing going on up here. (Not to mention you haven’t even looked in a mirror…) But don’t worry. I’m thinking…beach waves are definitely still in! These people don’t have any clue that I didn’t start out that way!

Okay, the third class was easier. Thank goodness! Wait, where are you going now? For the love of all holy things stop tucking me behind your ears. Haven’t I communicated to you that because I contain a center part the whole tucking motion makes you look like an elf from Lord of the Rings? This is only cool if you are, in fact, an elf. Get it together, lady!

MORE STAIRS?? Huge crowds of people?? Trying to stay positive up here, but seriously? I’m hair, not a miracle worker.

Wait. Wait. Wait. HOLD EVERYTHING. A picture. You’re getting your long hair lip glosspicture taken. Why, why, why are you getting your picture taken? Oh, a campus ID card? Really? Today of all days you had to get a campus ID card? I literally do not care that it was the only way that you could obtain your textbooks. This is ridiculous.

Okay, why aren’t your textbooks in the convenient little black bag like everybody else’s? Of course you’ve got so many that they have to be in a box! You still have to walk across campus back home! With this huge box!

Still walking. I am now sticking to your face because of the wind while you lug this huge box around. I tried, okay? I tried.

hair tragedyNow you’re home. Flopped on your bed with me in a really disgusting bun. I get it. I think you’re just as exhausted as I am. I tried to stay curly and you tried to stay sane. I guess we both failed. I understand I’m a big part of the self-esteem department. That department died a little today, honey. But it’s okay. Put me in a semi-presentable pony tail and go to work. That is all.

Try again tomorrow.



4 thoughts on “Today-As Told By My Hair”

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