I Was Wondering

Definitions

I feel like it has been a very long time since I’ve blogged. It has been about two weeks since my last post, which is highly unusual for me, but that’s not what I mean. I feel like it has been a long time since I’ve blogged.

I love having a blog. It’s something I’ve enjoyed even more than I thought I would. And these last months, while wanting to improve my blog and make things much better on it, I have often found myself sitting in front of the “Add Post” page staring at a blinking cursor. So I write something because I want to, but I end up being very disappointed in the result. Reading back over my last posts I feel like my blogging has become very routine. And if you know anything about me, routine is something that I cannot stand.

The real issue is that I think I’ve come to a point where I’m not sure what to say anymore. The last little while has been so crazy for me that my mind is spinning and my heart is going crazy and life is a huge bundle of whatever-that-word-would-be.

I find myself wanting to blog, itching to get on here and write something, but every time I do I feel like I end up posting the same old thing over and over again. I feel as though I post often, not as often as I would like, but still not bad. By while I may post a lot, I don’t blog a lot. I’ve only now realized  that there is actually a big difference between the two.

I think I used to blog a lot, but now I don’t. I think what’s made the difference is that I started caring too much what people thought of my blog. It’s really easy to say that you don’t care about statistics on your blog but I think that we all do to some degree.

I must say, though, that this isn’t the blogging I’d planned to do today. Just to clarify, the sun is FINALLY shining! I am actually doing quite well overall, things are looking very good.

But when it comes to my blog I have this feeling of disappointment, of almost potential sucked away before it could be realized or creative juices dried up. There is a certain way I like my blog to feel, a certain energy I like to give off, and I feel as though it has been absent for a while.

Well, I’m off to study for a history exam. How nerdy is it that I’m actually SUPER excited for a test? And maybe I’ll do some writing on my latest project today, it’s been a while since I’ve worked on it.

What are you up to today?

 

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