I’m not a confrontational person, okay? I’m just not. In fact, I dislike confrontation with a passion that probably can’t be rivaled. If I am anything, I am passionate. There really isn’t an in between for me on most things. I either love something or I hate it.
In the past several years I have realized the importance of honesty in my life. Honesty is so, so important to me. Gone are the days where I think it’s okay to make promises you don’t intend to keep, or to say things you don’t mean. You can be totally honest and still be kind. I believe that.
Now, please don’t misunderstand me. I’m not one of those people who thinks it’s okay to broadcast your every innermost thought and feeling to the world. Being honest does not mean that you are suddenly an open book or lost in the world of privacy. It does mean that you conduct yourself in a dignified manner and treat others with respect.
But this puts me in an awkward place where my lack of love for confrontation is involved. Because I’ve developed this “be honest” mentality, confrontation has become inevitable in many areas. But this just means that the moments when I am confrontational out of necessity turn out either being brutally honest or awkward or both, because something I appreciate and something I hate are suddenly mixing and my brain can’t figure out what to do in that situation.
Most of the time it isn’t a big deal because my closest friends realize that I have a personality which mixes honesty with sass and you never know where that will get you. So I like to think any awkwardness is smoothed over with a, “Well, that’s Jordan!”
As a writer I’m used to getting inside other people’s heads, and in the area of confrontation where that is literally impossible unless they outright tell you what they’re thinking, this can cause some discomfort.
Lately I’ve been told by a lot of people to do confrontational things. If you understand the situation it makes sense, but I literally cannot stress enough that I am NOT a confrontational person. I’m just not. But I love how refreshing honesty can be.
So I’m living in a paradoxical universe. One that I honestly can’t confront.