Okay, let’s talk about my week. I know you’ve been dying to hear about it.
I’ve been wanting to blog like crazy, but honestly couldn’t figure out what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say everything going through my mind. There’s been a lot. Like so much.
Last Thursday I got an email. In this email, I was informed that I have been accepted to study at King’s College London. I start in September.
If I’m being honest, I have absolutely no idea how much of this post is going to end up being published because I just have all of the things going on in my head and I need to sort them out somehow.
I’m going to school in London! LONDON! I get the incredible opportunity to get my master’s degree in LONDON, ENGLAND. It is more than a dream come true. It’s an absolutely incredible, beautiful thing. It is an answer to prayers. I honestly cannot wait. I have been accepted into the Medieval Studies program, and as part of my work, I get the incredible opportunity to work with the British Museum. I’m absolutely beside myself! I can’t believe it’s real, I can’t believe I have been accepted. I can’t believe I get this great chance. I’m so, so, so excited.
And yet, on Thursday night after my day had wound down and I was finally alone with my thoughts and soaking in everything all of that meant: I cried. And they weren’t happy tears. I sat on my couch in the living room and wept. I was trying to read about classical Greece but I guess my emotions don’t care about my homework. So I just cried. I felt overwhelmed and ungrateful. And sad. So, so, so sad.
Have you ever had a dream come true, a dream you’ve been dreaming for a million years, but it isn’t the dream? Living and going to school in London has been a dream of mine for over half of my life. It’s something I want so badly, something I finally get to experience. And yet, it isn’t my #1 dream. It isn’t what I want more than anything.
And so I sat and wept.
It was the strangest feeling in the whole world. I felt so ungrateful, and bad that I felt that way. I should’ve just been over the moon happy with no other thought. But that wasn’t the case. I was happy. I am happy. Crazy happy and crazy excited, but that isn’t the whole story.
It’s weird how life can be complicated like that.
The last few months have been really interesting for me. I have had a lot of different experiences. I have met new people and had so many conversations. That might sound weird, but I have had so many deep, intense, intimate conversations in the last months. It has been really, really good for me.
But it has been good.
A lot of good things have happened, and I have grown in so many ways. I’m not completely positive what the future holds. I have a feeling that it’s going to be very different than the way it looks right now, and I’m okay with that. I think the key is to just go one day at a time, being grateful for the small bits of joy that each one brings. And, of course, never forgetting that God has a plan and that nothing is powerful enough to stop that.