I feel like I have started my last several blog posts talking about how I have a lot on my mind. And then I proceed to spill everything in the world into the post and hope that it changes something. It usually doesn’t, but for a while, I feel a little bit better. And the views on my stats bar fluctuate a little. And then everything goes quiet once again, and then I wait until it’s time for me to write the exact same thing that I write every single time I blog.
At the beginning of this year, I wrote about how I felt clean. I wrote about how I chose the word “clean” to describe how I felt at the beginning of the year, and as a word I wanted to encompass the rest of my year.
I thought that I would give all of you an update on how that is going.
In general, it has been very good. I have made so many exciting plans for this year. There are a lot of unknowns before me as well, but even those are exciting. There are many things that have happened in my life in the last several months, some of them fantastic and some of them hard. My newest nephew, for example, is the most amazing thing in the world. When I hold him I feel like I am holding the entire world, and all of the wisdom in it.
I also get to visit London in May. I couldn’t be more excited. I’m going with my best friend and her mother and sister. We’ll be there for one week. It will be filled with visits to all of the places that I love, and so many experiences I have been longing for. I’m finally going back home. I’m absolutely thrilled. I also finished my application to King’s College London recently, for the Medieval Studies graduate program. Should I be blessed enough to be accepted, I’ll also be touring the campus while I’m there in May. There are so many exciting and beautiful things!
But there have been a few hards things, too.
And if I’m being honest, that has been really, really frustrating for me. Not that hard things have happened really, because hard things are going to happen no matter where life takes us. But that I haven’t been as strong as I would’ve preferred. There have been a few personal struggles that I’ve been juggling, and some family struggles as well. Like I said, I understand that there is always going to be something. And honestly, strength comes in many different forms. Remember that.
Another interesting thing that I’ve been experiencing is where my spirituality is at. I have always had a very close relationship with my Father in Heaven. And the present is no exception. It’s always been interesting to me because even if I am struggling reading my scriptures all the time, or saying official prayers regularly, or even attending church as often as I should, I always have a connection with heaven. I can always feel the Spirit with me no matter what. My connection with heaven is always there.
Like I said, now is no exception.
But something is different. I usually have a very clear picture of the future in my head. A clear idea of what God has planned for me and what is coming. And in many ways I still do, but it’s hard to explain. I also feel as though I am surrounded a bit by fog. Mist. Like I can’t see any further than one step ahead of me. As I have prayed about this, I have gotten this sense that everything is okay and that I am where I am supposed to be. I have also gotten the sense that there is something wonderful waiting on the other side of that mist, but that right now all I need to do is focus on one step at a time. I have to trust God and trust His plan.
So that’s what I’m trying to do. Even though it isn’t easy.
I hope that your 2019 is going well. I hope that you are following the path God has planned for you, and aligning your will with His. I promise that that is what makes the difference between fleeting earthly happiness and true eternal joy. I hope that you still feel strongly about the word that you chose and that it is still serving you. I hope that you never stop trying, especially when trying is the most important.